Nick at Nite sounds off:

Cube Zero

Year's ago I used to watch Joe Bob Briggs on the monster movie marathon or movies for guys who like movies. I still remember his introduction of the John Carpenter classic The Fog. After talking about Carpenter's brilliance, Joe Bob paused and then said, "We present for your viewing pleasure the cinematic excellence of The Fog." He was right; it was cinematic excellence. After I finished watching Cube Zero the other night, I remember wishing Joe Bob had been there to: (1) introduce the movie . . . "We present for your viewing pleasure the cinematic crap of Cube Zero"; (2) explain the movie . . . "Plot? We don't need no plot, we just need heads exploding"; and (3) explain why there have been two sequels to The Cube. This movie sucked. And I usually like this garbage. Basically, in some future world, people volunteer for an experiment whereby they end up in a giant rubix cube, where they must move from room to room looking for escape. If they go into the wrong room, they are assured a horrible death. Seriously, does this movie need to be made more than once. A sequel? Why? I know -- because people like me will watch it. Thank God for cable. I give this movie an "F." I know Greg will be surprised.

A book review . . .

It took me several months, but I have finally finished The Historian. This is a very long, at times boring, book. It is about Dracula, sort of. It is about a love story, sort of. It is about a search for family, sort of. It is about the Ottoman Empire, Romania, and a bunch of other countries I don't care about, sort of. It goes on for over 600 pages. I got to the end last night and saw that it had an Epilogue and thought to myself, "Good Lord, what else can this woman possibly have to say?" That said, it is a generally interesting story. It is a unique twist on the history and tale of Vlad Teppes. I say go for it. Give it a read. I don't want to give away the ending, but for those of you who are afraid of vampires, I have some tips: (1) do not start looking for them, it makes them mad, and they come looking for you; (2) do wear garlic, it works; (3) do wear a cross, it works; (4) do not break the cross, then it doesn't work; (5) apparently, a bullet kills vampires, not wolfs; and (6) you will be okay if you are bitten by a vampire twice, but look out if you are attacked for a third time. I give this book a "B." A condensed version would get an "A."