American Idols in Concert

A joint review by The Movie Snob and guest reviewer Wendy D.

MS: Well, the American Idols came to town the other night, and Wendy and I were there to see it in all its tacky glory. What was your overall impression, Wendy?

WD: Would you like a side of crackers with your cheese?

MS: Well said. Okay, on to the performers. I thought that Marcela did a very nice job opening the show with a couple of Whitney Houstonesque tunes.

WD: It's "Mandesa."

MS: Whatever.

WD: She can sing, but overall forgettable. Plus she kept doing funky things with her hand. It was like she was stabbing somebody in a sort of Three Stooges fashion.

MS: Hmmmm, that got by me. But that next guy, Ace, was he dreamy or what?

WD: . . .

MS: Please stop drooling and answer the question.

WD: I'm not drooling. I'm just thinking that your thinking he was dreamy explains a few things about our defunct relationship. Anyhow, he sang all right, and he was entertaining, but he was more concerned about flexing his biceps than he was carrying a tune.

MS: Moving right along.... Who was next?

WD: Lisa Tucker.

MS: Oh yeah. Great performer. Pretty, great voice, played the piano.

WD: I thought she was a showstopper. Give her five years time, she'll be back. Next up was her "best friend," Paris. I thought she was trying too hard to be like Janet Jackson. Her outfit even reminded me of the Miss You Much video.

MS: Yeah, Paris didn't make much of an impression on me. Can't go wrong imitating Ms. Jackson though.

WD: But then we came to Bucky. On the show, I thought he was total blah. In person, he still couldn't sing that well, but he did have a certain . . . meow!

MS: EEEWWWW!!!! That long-haired hippie cowboy dork? He couldn't sing his way out of a paper bag. I could see Kelly Pickler's bile rising when she had to duet You're the One That I Want with him.

WD: I thought Pickler was adorable during the TV show, but she was a bit of a letdown in person. She didn't really seem to be paying attention to the show.

MS: She was a firecracker, though! I'd go to her Sonic anytime.

WD: Be prepared for her to get your order wrong.

MS: Good point. Okay, after the intermission, things really got interesting. First up was that bald Chris dude, rocking out with some Led Zeppelin and Bon Jovi. Had a little trouble with Styx's Renegade, though.

WD: I'm sorry, I wasn't paying too much attention to his singing. I was staring at his open-shirted chest the whole time.

MS: Tsk, tsk.

WD: Don't tsk me! You had Lisa, Pickler, and Katharine McPhee for your eye candy.

MS: I admired them strictly for their vocal talent, I assure you.

WD: Vocal talent? You really want me to respond to that?

MS: Then there was that Elliott guy. Good voice, nice presence, just didn't care for his material.

WD: Yeah, it's strange. For somebody with such an awesome voice, he sure is forgettable. Couldn't tell you what he sang.

MS: What who sang?

WD: I don't remember.

MS: Then there was the true showstopper in this bunch, the incomparable Nanny McPhee.

WD: Katharine.

MS: Katharine. Yeah, she was great. Glamour, talent, bad ankle, she had it all.

WD: Yeah. At first I couldn't figure out why she was walking around barefoot, but you later informed me that she had a sprained ankle. I guess some of us are more up to date on our Katharine McPhee trivia than others. But her rendition of Somewhere Over the Rainbow was incredible.

MS: Yep, she's a performer. I'm expecting big things from her in the future. Or maybe we'll never hear from her again. At least I got my 8x10 glossy photo of her to help me remember the greatness.

WD: Let's not forget the American Idol champion, Taylor Hicks.

MS: Can we please?

WD: If only I could. The images are haunting me at night.

MS: Yeah, him and Bucky the hippie cowboy!

WD: No, not Bucky. Bucky good. Taylor so bad.

MS: We agree on that, Wendy. He was painful to watch, spazzing around the stage like a . . . spastic . . . guy.

WD: He looked like he had a tic set to a beat. Barely. While high on cocaine. And having an itch he just couldn't quite reach.

MS: So . . . he danced like a white guy. Tell me something I don't know. He was lame. Nice finale with all the Idols on stage doing Living in America, didn't you think?

WD: In all honesty, I don't really know. I was just so happy when the show ended that I stood up and applauded.

MS: It wasn't that bad! Just a nice slice of Americana. Well, that's all folks! Say good night, Wendy.

WD: Good night, Bucky.